Let Go!

I was listening to Guy Finley speak on Healing with the Masters this week. He was talking about letting go. Letting go of those things that weigh us down, cause us unhappiness, poison our soul. He told a story about learning to water ski, falling, and hanging on to the tow rope for dear life as he was dragged through the water. His family was yelling from the boat and the shore, "LET GO!" Eventually he did let go but only when he felt there was no other option. He suggested later in the interview that the reason we don't let go is because we don't even see what's going on. We don't realize how simple the solution is.

Sometimes letting go is easy.

I went line dancing with a friend last night. We were both "first timers" and were glad there was a bit of a class going on. It was early in the evening and they always teach a few dances for the newbies like us. The rest of the night you're on your own to pick up the dances as you go along. I used to dance a lot in high school, age of disco and the first wave of line dancing. As a music teacher, I learned about contra dancing and have taught folk dancing for years...to kiddos, but still... I did pretty well, actually. It was funny to watch my brain work though. Klutz klutz klutz...OH, I get it! I was grateful for the more experienced dancers. It was easy to let go of looking good while my friend was out there struggling and laughing with me.

Then she went to the bathroom.

I stood to the side for a few minutes as I watched another line dance start. Why am I standing here? This is dumb. So I let go of the fear and went out to dance. Had a GREAT time.

Easy.

That one was easy to see. Like Guy said, the ones that are harder to let go are the ones we DON'T see.

I've noticed I'm still carrying anger regarding my former husband. Husband #2. I thought I had dealt with all of that and completely let go. I had nothing. Forgive, forgive, forgive. And then I was telling a story and found myself griping. No, bitching. There was anger in my voice. There was regret and pain. There was fear about both the past and future. It wasn't pretty.

Where did THIS come from?

I know through my study with Edwene Gaines that prosperity comes from regular tithing, yes, AND forgiveness work. I need to get to work.

Here's what James says today (actually Jeshua through James).

"A Spiritual Peacemaker has only one goal: to forgive everything and everyone by SEEING everything as it really is. When you perceive any thing as it is not, you will feel the need to attack it because you do not understand it. But when you realize that you are everything you perceive, that it literally is an aspect of you that seems splintered from the Source, then it is easier to understand because all the answers exist in the same place -- within you. Forgiveness is simply the ability to SEE past the illusions you once created to hide from the Truth, and KNOW what is real. You can do this at any moment. No preparation is required, only your willingness to lay aside what has never brought you joy." (The Art of Spiritual Peacemaking, by James Twyman)

Well, that's a mouthful.

Honesty. See everything as it really is. You are everything you perceive. It is literally an aspect of me. Know what is real.

My anger with #2 has to do with financial irresponsibility. That anger is really about me. Here I am (without #2) struggling financially. I tell myself I am recovering from the time with him. True? Maybe a little. But I also completely changed my life last August when I quit my job. That has nothing to do with #2. Given all I've learned now about living frugally and in creation, might I have my financial ducks in a row if I still had a salary? Maybe. I might still have decided to sell my house and downsize my housing costs. I have certainly learned to live simply (thank you, Lavender, for that mantra -- "I have an simple, easy life."). So #2 was just a mirror for my own irresponsibility (which I have unfortunately passed to my beautiful children). That is something I need to forgive MYSELF about. My #2 was a gift in my life to show me this part of myself.

Some of the dynamics of the relationship were strange, too. It seems he married his mother. Did I wish I were marrying my dad? Maybe so. They are very much alike. Did I face similar frustrations I've had with that relationship? Probably. Wishing it were something it isn't. Living in a dream rather than seeing what is really there. Ok, that's TWO marriages that happened in. Fantasy doesn't work in close relationships. That's all on me. "SEEING everything as it really is." It's ME that I need to forgive about this one, too. Another mirror. Another chance to heal some part of me.

I am grateful for being able to "SEE past these illusions." I've been dragged under the water long enough  for these lessons. I am letting go.

Pam