Funny, but I’ve been noticing lately that I’m having some difficulty imagining my life beyond now. Now is good. As a matter of fact, it’s very good. I’ve been working for myself for a year now -- can you believe it, a YEAR -- and I’m still alive, with a roof over my head, and business growing. Last summer, I set my music lesson price higher than I was comfortable, and that has turned out to be a great affirmation of my worth. I was bold and applied for a teaching job with SkillPath and got it. I agreed to join the team of amazing facilitators at camp and have found one of the best jobs I’ve ever had. My friendships are rich. I’m dating. It’s all good.
Really good.
Now...
What’s next?
I’ve been in leadership programs long enough to ALWAYS ask that question. It’s never about where I am but rather what’s next.
I have been concerned with my lack of imagination about the future and have been making a conscious effort to meditate on it a few times a week. (I know, daily meditation would be more effective. I’m working on that.) To guide my thoughts to an ideal experience of my future and to really feel the feelings, be in the satisfaction and joy that comes from having exactly what I want. It takes a lot of effort for me to do this. I wonder why.
As I talked with my dear friend and mentor today, she wisely told me to really dig and figure out when I stopped dreaming and why. We talked for over half an hour and I couldn’t find it. All I knew was that for as long as I could remember, the answer was “no.” There was no point in asking for what you wanted because the answer was “no.”
She asked what I wanted for myself when I was a kid and I really couldn’t think of anything. Was it that I didn’t have dreams? Or have I put them away so deeply that it will take back-hoes and dynamite to break them out?
My plan is to start journaling all the dreams I can remember. I’ve written about what I wanted in my life from time to time and have old journals I can dig up. My hope is that this will jar the dreamer in me to get back out here and get to work. I’ve always been goal driven. Where’s the fun, creative dreamer?
I also have a list I started called “I love it when…” which has helped me to look for the joy in every day. This list has turned out to be revealing about what matters to me.
So come along and dream. I would love to hear about other people’s dreams for themselves. Share! You can inspire me and others by dreaming out loud here on this blog. With our collective energy and good thoughts, we can support each other in having the life we really want.
Love to all,
Pam
