Integrity?

I was convicted today.

No, not of a crime. I'm not in jail or anything like that.

I picked up "The Four Spiritual Laws of Prosperity" by Edwene Gaines and determined to finally finish those last few pages. I've been studying this book for several months and have put into practice what she is teaching to the best of my ability. This book really was the inspiration for this blog, as a matter of fact.

So I opened the book to my bookmark and started to read. That's when I was convicted. You know, the God-whapping-you-on-the-head kind of conviction. The are-you-paying-attention-NOW kind of conviction.

The marker was at page 201 (follow along in your textbook, kiddies). The subtitle was "Affirmations for Integrity." I start to read and recognized that I've heard her talk about this on her CD on living your life purpose. The source is Tolly Burkan, the founder of the Firewalking Institute of Research and Education.

The first one is "I always pay attention."

Sure I do.

Oh, really? Then why is your Toastmaster club experiencing a drastic drop-off in attendance? Why is is that your tires are still wobbling and you haven't gotten them rotated in a while? Why is it that you are still 20 pounds overweight? Are you REALLY paying attention?

Edwene writes that it's about being 100 percent present to RIGHT HERE, RIGHT NOW. When you pay attention completely, she says, you become whole with it.

Conviction number ONE.

Second one: "I always tell the truth and tell it quickly."

Absolut....ok, no.

She writes about being afraid of people not liking us or approving of us. That's why most of us don't tell our truth. We think we will "hurt" others if we are honest. It's about being true to myself and telling MY TRUTH. That is a very loving thing to do for everyone involved. I had a mentor once ask me what my involvement in her company would be. She said, "whether you say yes or no will be the best thing for you and it will also be the best thing for me so just be honest." Good advice. THAT is telling my own truth and telling it quickly.

For me, this is about being honest about my satisfaction with my Toastmaster experience (can you tell this one is on my mind today), with watching my family do unhealthy things, and even allowing myself to want what I want and fully be ok with that.

Conviction number TWO.

Next one: "I always ask for what I want when I want it."

Don't even pretend. No. No and no. I am beginning to know what I want. That has actually been quite a journey. Doesn't that seem odd? How can I have been on the planet all this time and still not really know what I want? Well, I've spent my life pleasing others (thanks to growing up with an alcoholic), doing what THEY wanted me to do, being the way THEY wanted me to be -- or at least what I THOUGHT they wanted. It's been fun to figure out what I like.

I had breakfast with a friend yesterday who said she had gone through a time when she was trying to figure out what made her happy. She began to write down any time she noticed she was happy and what she was happy about. Over time she's learned a lot about herself, like how having a clean house makes her happy. For me, having a beautiful view out the window behind my computer makes me happy. I really love to sit here and look out the window at the plants and sunshine as I work.

What do I want? That takes me back to the Lifespring Basic where that question was asked over and over during and exercise. Boy, that gets you right down to the core of it. I want to make the biggest difference for the most people. I want to positively influence education in our country. I want to empower and encourage others to be the magnificent creatures they are here to be. I want a loving, nurturing relationship with a confident, spunky man. Yes, I said it.

Next?

"I will take total responsibility for my experience."

I'm actually pretty good on this one. It is very rare now that I blame. I'm clear (unless I'm just really tired) that if I have a reaction to you it's a reflection of something going on in me. I am grateful for the mirror, the lesson, and set about figuring out what it is in my that is creating this feeling. Really. Sometimes I have to walk away for a bit and think about it. Sometimes I need to do a forgiveness process to get past it (I have a few I'm working on now, as a matter of fact), but I'm certain that it's about me, not about them.

The last one: "I always keep my agreements."

[can you hear the deep exhale this one brought on?]

One of my mentors just completed 100 days of keeping her word. She said it took her 160 days to actually do it. That's kind of how it is for me. Right now I have a commitment to complete my "to-do" list every day. So far, so good.

Oh, except this one phone call that I've put off for about 4 days now. Crud. GET OVER IT!! Just make the call, for crying out loud. It won't kill you. Good grief. It's just a phone call.

All but that. Oh, and being a few minutes late when meeting friends.

Oh, and...

You get the idea.

Convicted.

I'm so grateful that spiritual and personal growth is a journey. Someone brilliant once said, "If you want to know if your 'done' or not just check if you're still breathing. If you are, then you aren't."

Onward, fellow travelers!!

Pam

Oneness Story

I'm done with James Twyman's Oneness project. For the second time. I must be honest, though. This time I didn't really complete it. My friend, Tammy, says once you've started it the alchemy continues especially if you are around other who are doing it. Our friend, Penny, texted the affirmations to a group of us every day so I suppose that kept me thinking about it even though I didn't read to the end.

Why am I telling you this?

I do believe the alchemy has been working and I have a story to show it.

About a month ago I started teaching for Drama Kids. This past Friday was a happy hour and Saturday was an annual training for the spring performances. One of the teachers is a Kindergarten teacher I'll call Joy. She's a fun, wacky kind of person and I really like her although I've seen her all of 3 times.

At one point during the day her phone kept ringing and she snuck off to take the call real quick. I overheard her say the name of the street where my house for sale is. I turned to the other teachers and said "I'll bet she's going to go look at my house today." Now, I don't know anything about Joy's situation, whether she's looking for a house, going to see a friend, lives on that street. Nothing. Why would I assume that? (Oneness)

When she walked back over I asked what the address on the house was. Thinking there was something wrong with the house, she asked why. Just tell me. Why? Would it be blah blah blah? Shut up! Why? That's my house. She all but fell out on the floor as the excitement and awe grew. How could this be? We just met and this serendipity of her looking for a house and finding MY house to see.

But wait, there's more.

She went to see the house that afternoon on the strong advice of her agent. It turns out she had been looking for a while and was very picky. She'd already passed on over 30 houses so she was hopeful. I got a call late afternoon during an open house for my music studio. I asked what she thought and she was low key on the phone. All of a sudden she shouted "I LOVED IT!!" and the excitement continued. I love the house, I love Toni.... wait a minute. Toni is my agent. Why was she there? How do you know Toni? You'll never believe this, she said. My agent works with your agent and you know him. Who is it? Dan. Dan? Yep. Dan, who helped my mom buy her two houses and is a good friend of mine. So it was Dan who told her my house was perfect for her (which it is!) and she is putting in a contract on Tuesday.

Then Joy dropped the ball. I have a question, she said.

This is a short sale and could take a while to get the process completed. We are hoping to record before summer. But you might remember me saying we are renting a house in foreclosure and we have to be out in two weeks. Would you be willing to rent your house to us until the deal is recorded? OF COURSE!!

Dan is already drawing up the papers for a rent agreement.

This more than handles my BIG question to the Universe about making sure I stay in integrity with my mom who owns my house. I owe her rent starting March 1 and had no idea how I would make that happen. I am working. Hard. A lot. Doing lots of things. I am moving in such a positive direction and yet... I've been looking for a roommate since I moved here with ads on CraigsList (not so successful) and Roommates.com (also not so successful, although better people) AND an ad in the church newsletter. I have been keeping the faith, certain that I would figure it out, that a solution would come.

Guess what. Here's the solution.

Epilogue.

I got off the phone with Joy and shared the good news with my music studio "family." Mouths stood open as we shared the wonderment of so many things lining up at once. Then I got another call. This one from a potential student who can't wait to start her daughter in piano lessons on Wednesday.

Life is good.

Pam

Great News in the Prosperity World

Well, MY prosperity world, anyway.

I had my live audition for SkillPath seminars today. It went very well and I am grateful for the projector Donna gave me, the laptop Carl loaned me, and the stories shared by several people including Christine, Lily, Steve, Mark and Phil. In addition, I am so blessed to have the encouragement and support of my family and so many friends. I am abundant indeed.

The presentation went very well. I was within my 15 minute time frame (my Toastmaster friends are gasping that I actually came in UNDER time...). The panel listened attentively, following on the printed slides I sent them. (They couldn't see the actual slides over Skype. It's a video thing.) At the end, the recruiter said he would call later that afternoon or tomorrow to let me know their decision.

About ten minutes later the phone rang.

"That was fast."

"Yes. Must be good news."

Turns out that by the time he got back to his desk, the other panelists had left notes giving me the nod. He was as happy as I was to deliver the news.

The process continues. Now I sign the contract, observe two classes, then attend a 4-day certification training. THEN I get on the schedule...which is set three months in advance. That means July or August for my first official presentations.

Unless some miracle moves in my world.

Which I wouldn't be surprised at one bit, given how things are going lately.

Sending you love and prosperity,
Pam

After Challenge...again

I continue to quest, my yearning, my journey. What a year, already!!

Here's the content update...

I have added several students to my music studio.
I started teaching for Drama Kids, a once-a-week class for school kids.
I have an audition for a major seminar company on Wednesday this week.
I completed the Challenge seminar (see www.CarolReynolds.com) in Utah in the snow.

The last one created the new ideas of prosperity that are waking me up and keeping my brain doing calisthenics. Challenge is a high ropes course and leadership seminar, in case you haven't done it yet. We go up into Utah in the Parawan/Cedar City area. This seminar puts you in a pressure cooker where everything that ever bugged you about people gets to come up and gets handled. It also gives you a chance to practice leadership in everything from climbing a wall to making dinner.

I came away from Challenge with two big lessons.

First, when I let myself love others with abandon, putting aside worrying about what others think of me, then I have courage to connect and make a difference with people like never before. It started with my daughter, who also was there, then spread to everyone else. As I continue with the Oneness Experiment and my Spiritual Peacemakers class, this idea of connection and love doesn't really surprise me. The connection I'm experiencing with people, the relaxed intimacy comes directly from my willingness to connect, my willingness to let go, to trust. Who cares if I get hurt? Who cares if things go badly? What's the worst thing that will happen if I love full out? Will I DIE? Of course not. What's that? I'll get "hurt"? Maybe. Or maybe I will be able to thank that person for a lesson I needed to learn. Maybe I'll just enjoy the love, wallowing in it, rubbing it all over me, spreading it around while I'm in the middle of it. That sounds way better than the whole "getting hurt" scenario, doesn't it?

The second thing I learned was that I don't have to know how to do it to do it.

Read that again.

Knowing "how" has stopped me SOOOO many times in my life. You? I have these great ideas and when I start working on it I freeze. How do I do this? What's the next step? I've never done this before! WHO CARES?? Edwene Gaines says the "how" is none of our business. Declare what you want to the Universe and let God take care of the how. Start walking the path. Move! Take action! And the mechanism will come into place when it is needed. You will meet the right person, learn the right skill or content, find the location, etc. TRUST! Mostly, trust yourself to have created an inspired vision and mission for your life. All my reading and study lately says that if I am clear in my mission, if I am about contribution and making this place better, then I step into the FLOW and things will come easily. My biggest issue is trusting that I really do make a difference, that I am the ONE to do what I am thinking about, not someone else. I have unique experiences and skills and knowledge that make my own ideas PERFECT for me to act on. Hello?? Do I hear the call of the Universe?

I am saying YES to the Universe. I am walking the path I see and will do so with joy and passion and love.

How about you??

Pamela